home

Prevalence:  30-50% of children will have to deal with divorce

• 85% of divorces lead to remarriage, so a step-father or step-mother enters the picture;
• 40% of re-marriages fail, leading to repeat divorce.

Tips for Parents:

1. Listen to the children's feelings.
2. Reassure the kids that they are loved.
3. Do not blame the children.
4. Co-parent instead of fight. Communication is important to maintain consistent parenting.
5. Do not argue about the children.
6. Don't badmouth your ex to the kids.
7. Don't use the children as spies.
8. Don't make the children grow up too fast.

Parentification = when kids are expected to take on adult roles and responsibilities.

9. Do not break promises.
10. Separate children from dating and sexuality.

Stage one: Predivorce - fighting leading up to decision to divorce

Stage two: Disruptive - final decision for divorce

• change of school, income, household

Stage five: potential remarriage or change in custodial parent

1. Infant (0-3 years)

Tantrums, irritability, separation problems, regression

2. Preschooler (3-5) <= this group does the WORST in dealing with divorce, girls better than boys

Fear of abandonment, clinging behavior

Guilt

Regression

Fantasy denial

Increased agression or inhibition

Self-esteem issues

3. 6-8 year-olds

grief, sadness, fears, anger at custodial parent

fantasies of reconciliation

loyalty conflicts

self-esteem and identity questions

4. 9-12 year-olds

sober response

anger at one parent, aligning with other

self-esteem and identity shaken

somatic symptoms

loyalty conflicts

5. Adolescence: boys are more vulnerable than girls in this.

Psychological Sequelae of Divorce:

Vulnerability factors:

School age children cope best with a divorce; pre-schoolers do worst.

Boys fare better than girls with stepfamilies

Girls do better than boys in single-parent situations.

home