A Brief Overview

To an outsider, the history of the English monarchy reads like a millenium-long, bloody soap opera, replete with spouses plotting against spouses, fathers turning on sons, and all vying for power and money. It is almost enough to give greed a bad name. Perhaps the monarchy can be given credit for setting the stage for the rule of law and ultimately (ironically) representative parliamentary democracy and free trade. It just strikes an outsider as a very bloody and messy way of attaining wherever it is the British people (and all her offshoots like the United States) are today. Certainly the vestiges of monarchy seem a quaint anachronism to an American.

What is also fascinating is that despite all their wealth and power, the kings and queens had standards of living that were much lower than the average working man or woman of today. for example, all the wealth in the world could not prevent Henry VIII from dying at what today would be a relatively young age (in his '50's) as did his father. No king or queen had vaccinations, antibiotics, microwave ovens, not to mention internal combustion engines or access to (reliably) clean water. Technology is a form of wealth and the monarchs of even a few centuries ago didn't have it until the explosion of knowledge and prosperity particularly of the last two centuries. It's sad to think how much national income, both financial and intellectual, was wasted on the endless squabbling over who got to rule whom. There really was no such thing as free trade of ideas, goods, and services until quite recently although it was in this crazy island country that much of the structure of our modern economic system was born. Who would have thunk.

During a recent trip to rainy old England, the land in dire need of a blast of tropical sunshine, I boned up a bit on this confusing mess, what Voltaire called a set of agreed-upon lies, and here are some notes, set down if for no other reason than to keep me from getting too confused.

King Alfred the Great - 871-899: defeated Vikings

Edward the Confessor - 1042-1066 died without heir.

William I (the Conqueror) - 1066-1087 invaded England and defeated Harold II @ Battle of Hastings; destroyed Saxon nobility. Domesday book in 1085 divided up everyone's property.

Henry II - 1154-89; had Thomas Beckett murdered in 1170; reconstructed legal system

Richard I - 1189-99 = Richard the Lion Heart.

John - 1199-1216; forced to sign magna carta @ Runnymeade in1215; lost Normandy.

Henry III - 1216-72 - oversaw formation of great council = precursor of parliament.

Edward I - 1272-1307 - defeated Wales and named son Prince Of Wales as sign of reconciliation; defeated William Wallace @ the Battle of Falkirk.

Edward II - 1307-1327 - homosexual king; Gaveston and Despenser were his favorites. He was deposed by his wife Isabella and murdered with a hot pike.

Black Plague struck from 1348-9 = black death during reign of Edward III.

Edward III - 1327-77 - very successful militarily, e.g., Battle Of Crecy 1346; captured kings of Scotland and France.

Richard II - 1377-9 - confronted mob @ Smithfield during peasant's revolt; became despot; probably murdered 1400.

Henry V - 1413-22 - last great medieval king; reclaimed Normandy for England; won great victory @ Agincourt 1415.

Henry VI - 1422-61/ 1470-1; generally inept king (unlike his father who kicked ass); lost Normandy; founded Cambridge and Eaton. The decay of feudalism led to many armed camps rising up. The War Of Roses was fought between Richard Duke of York and Lancastrian party. He was murdered in Tower 1471.

Richard III - 1483-5 - viewed as bloodstained monster by some; fell fighting to Henry Tudor who became henry VII.

- Princes of the Tower: sons of Edward IV held in the Tower of London after their father's death; probably murdered by their uncle who became Richard III.

Henry VIII - 1509-1547 -

• Had been raised to enter the church, so was extremely well educated, fluent in several languages; Spain was the official court language in honor of his first wife.
• dissolved monasteries when Pope refused to annul marriage to Catherine of Aragon;
• had only one legitimate son (Edward VI, who had a short reign) but 2 daughters - Mary and Elizabeth, who both were queens;
• executed Fischer and Thomas More when they refused to recognize him as head of the Anglican church;
• Thomas Cromwell, a close advisor who wrote that the King was not subject to laws of Rome, and who later advised a disastrous marriage to Anne of Cleves was arrested and executed in 1546.

The chronology of Henry VIII: 1509 marries Catherine of Aragon 1516 Mary born 1533 divorces Catherine of Aragon - marries Anne Boleyn - never popular or deemed legit; blamed for death of John Fischer and Thomas More 1533 Elizabeth born 1536 Catherine of Aragon dies (naturally) 1536 Anne Boleyn beheaded - marries Jayne Seymour -> dies after bearing son Edward 1536 marries Jayne Seymour 1540 marries and divorces of Anne of Cleves; apparently he chose her based on a portrait, but was greatly displeased when he saw her in person. She was informed remotely of his decision to divorce her. 1540 marries Catherine Howard 1542 Catherine Howard beheaded 1543 marries Catherine Parr

William Tyndale

• published first English Bible (new testament) in 1534 in Antwerp
• denounced as heretic by Thomas More.

Mary I - 1553-1558 - aka Bloody Mary; murdered many Protestants, burning them alive. She was the daughter of Henry VIII and Catherine of Aragon. She lost Calais.

Queen Elizabeth I. See file.

Charles I - 1625-49 - beheaded by Oliver Cromwell in 1649.

James II - 1685-88; tried to convert England to Catholicism, but was deposed.

The Act of Settlement in 1701 said only a Protestant could be a monarch.

William III and Mary II - 1689-94, 1694-1702 (William alone); took over by invading and ousting James II. Ruled as a parliamentary monarch, as has been ever since. Mary died of smallpox in 1694.

George II - 1727-1760 - last British monarch to lead troops into battle @ Dettingen (defeated French).

George III - 1760-1820 - lost American colonies through treaty of Versailles 1783, also in charge when revolution broke out in France in 1793. He probably suffered from porphyria.

Victoria - 1837-1901 - before her reign monarchy had fallen into disrepute; she was harsh and conservative and one might say out of touch with the growing liberal element in Parliament and her country; she of course if famous for advancing respectable family values. Never got a penny for the lingerie chain named in her honor, however. She was widowed in 1861.

George V - 1910-36 - uncle of Nicholas II, haunted by his murder by the communists.

George VI - 1936-52 - became king after his brother Edward VIII abdicated to marry divorcee (how shocking); he fought as a naval officer at the Battle of Jutland and was King during World War II.

Elizabeth II - 1952-present (2000) - has symbolic duties but no direct powers; longest reigning monarch since Victoria.